If one word describes the Bachelor this season, it is nothing other than pure awkwardness. As Ben and the girls continued their romantic journeys in Las Vegas, Jojo received a one-on-one first. Of course, the routine date, aforementioned in last week’s analysis of the dating train-wreck, commenced with the usual helicopter ride. Interestingly, however, the helicopter did blow a table over and almost knocked out baby-talking JoJo which made for a laugh-worthy moment. At dinner, JoJo announced her last relationship of one and a half years ended a short five months ago.
How on earth can one be in a ready state of marriage if their romantic past is still almost residing in the present? Also, why in the world would someone with “trust issues” come on a show in which you sign up to be cheated on?
On the group date, the girls acted as a comedian’s opening act in which they showcased their nonexistent talents. The twins, Emily and Haley, Irish river danced, Jubilee played the cello, and kindergarten teacher, Lauren H. sang a song in a chicken suit.
But the real show-stopper remained with the one and only, Olivia. She attempted to dance a showgirl performance and clumsily kicked and wallowed around on stage, making everyone, including Ben, highly uncomfortable. After her awful performance, Olivia realized her stupidity and experienced a dramatized panic attack; she also made every effort to redeem herself with Ben by apologizing over and over for being “unlike herself,” stating all she wants is “to be back 400% with Ben,” which might I include is mathematically impossible…
After the performance at a cocktail party, Caila attacked Ben’s face with aggressive slurping noises, without bothering to talk before the big kiss. Ben approved as he liked Caila’s “outgoingness.” On the opposite end of the kissing spectrum, Olivia’s awkward downward spiral landed her a sympathetic grandma kiss from Ben. Because all the ladies acted like middle school girls on the group date, the most normal, Lauren B., received the group date rose.
During the one-on-one, Becca and Ben (apparently Ben is ordained to marry couples in Nevada) held various wedding ceremonies and married approximately 4 unfortunate couples. Of course, Ben’s stale personality made the entire experience awkward but Becca’s desperation continued to enable her love for Ben. After ruining several weddings, Becca and Ben went to a neon sign museum in which they sat amongst an abundance of old scrap metal… super sexy? Ben referred to the sign museum as “the coolest place on earth,” which was a bit shocking. After Becca received her rose, the date fizzled into an anticlimactic conclusion.
At the last minute Ben took the twins on a two on one date to their house which happened to be in Las Vegas. There, he kicked off Haley who still had pictures of her ex boyfriend posted in her bedroom. Did I mention, the twins are in their twenties and they still live at home? The girls were sad to be split up, but Emily still clung to Ben despite sister code.
At the cocktail party before the rose ceremony, Olivia intruded and selfishly took one-on-one time away from other girls. Her continued apologies and desperate demeanor forced Ben to say, “I don’t need you to apologize to me for jumping out of a cake!” However, the cling monster received a rose at the ceremony and former reject, Amber and unemployed, Rachel got the boot.
Stay tuned for next week’s edition of the Bachelor Review!